I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have post one night stand depression
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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