i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
