Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
