textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
