First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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