Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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