hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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