how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
