This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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