pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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