I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
