I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
