I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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