I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
And then he peed in my hair
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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