Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
