like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
