I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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