Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
