Need sex. Gaining weight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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