you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
