I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
