Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
