Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
