guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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