I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize