new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
