high people should be assigned attendants
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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