I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize