its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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