According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
