their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
