Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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