I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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