I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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