I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
