i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
