so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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