p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
