Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
