I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
