and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
