you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
