you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
