Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
