Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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