You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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