which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
