I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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