I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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