dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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