Pappa wants mamma naked
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
