I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
