We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
