Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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