He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
