I got her a Nickelback box set.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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