You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
