When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
