he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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