With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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