I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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