tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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