I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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