I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
