idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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