There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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