i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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