Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
