so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
