I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
